The medicine cabinet

Im just waiting for time to finish with this rhyme
im waiting... im waiting.... waitin waitin
i use court like a residual time line 
im well aware my ass don't age like fine wine

trembling and forgetting the good with the bad
im thankful for the people in my life, and everything ive had
and even though i have so little all i can do is prattle
on and on about the past sure it was a blast 
but where am i now, i got nohwere fast

just a pile that dared with long hair and razorblades
waiting to fade not explode like a grenade
and for everyone else in sorry, im done
with this black widow and all she fuckin spun
im talking about life that is 

im tired of shit going bad in all the wrong places 
it hits the fan and i just slur and drool 
a mumbling drunk fool too cool for school
yeah right, in school i was a loser sellin dope to fools 
drinkin on the on the weekends with all my brothers

i got nothin left and im sorry
just this bottle of gin, bathtub and razorblades its..
shits gettin dark now as i fall and reminisce
this is my last rhyme yall one sec i gotta take a piss

the toilet is more full of blood than urine
why do i even bother emptying this magazine
im getting dizzy now shits getting blurry 
i think of my family and the dog that we had
all the good times and schoolwork done in a hurry

i remember lucy and how she said she loved me 
the walk in the park street and when eddie introduced me to her
my heart beat, how shes havin my baby and what an asshole i can be

she said i need help and proceeded to leave me
how could she?? it was that jug of jim beam 
and how important that seemed to be
i can get help, i can stay sober
i dont have to die i can turnover

i get frantic and try to get at the medicine drawer but im seated
this blurry vision is really impeding
that's where the bandages are i can stop the bleeding
if i hurry there there's no jury on this one
its easy to see, but why is that drawer disappearing from me