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Business as usual from now on I'm proud to announce!

Thursday, June 30, 2011

my inner monologue is in rhyme

I lay here awake and unable to sleep
there are but two things that keep bugging me
the thought of her and the thought of she
wait, those things are one and the same...
I apologize for what the lack of sleep has done to my brain

moving on now theres' story to be told
as I lie here awake pondering my life's mold
time is deceptive truth be told
sometimes it feels like I've known her forever
as we sit around and just simply palaver

I don't know my timings' all off now
I can't seem to write or get my shit together
I'l keep this brief or maybe its longer?
Throughout the confusion though I'm really getting stronger.

Monday, June 20, 2011

A day late

Fathers day now this ones hard for me
cause when I look for you you're nowhere near here
The choices that you made gave me this life I hold dear
Sure its not the best and I've made some mistakes
and it sure would have been nice to have you near for a smoke break
the childhood memories I hold dear are just dreams until dawn shakes
me awake, but its ok, I still think about you damn near every day

Maybe we don't talk much cause it makes it easier to not miss you
I don't know but it seems like that to me sometimes
cause when i don't interact with someone its easier to keep em out of mind
but thats not right and a poor excuse, I really miss you I'm sure you'l find
I'm happy about your new family, I love a little sister I've never met
I cant help it when I look at her and really I see myself

Its weird how close you can feel even tens of thousands of miles away
I really hope I see you and meet her sometime so that we can play
I'm still a kid at heart through all I've been, that's obvious I'm sure you see
Either way I love you and miss you more than one could say
I really hope that you might read this on this late fathers day.

Friday, June 17, 2011

Escapades on house arrest

I shouldn't have opened up, I shouldn't have tried to show you my stains
If you only knew how your smile could take away my pain
you would run away from me and try to hide the shame
not your shame, its mine that I'm talking about
I wish we would've met in different circumstances
I really fucking hate these courtship dances

If I only met you in a month or two more my situation would be better
but for now my life hangs on by the pull of someone's lever
I'm not good enough for you, you deserve someone much more clever
my fuck ups are too apparent now and I hate that you can see it
If you only gave me a chance I could prove to you my merit
I would make you happy not sad, I know I could achieve shit

Its too late now, looks like I got dealt the short straw again
I should take this as a learning experience and just smile grin
Its just really fucking hard knowing you'l walk away
While I'm stuck here wishing that you would stay
Doing the only thing constant in my life right now
its writing these stupid rhymes and being humble and bow

I know we'll see each other again and I'll earn the kiss
but how far is it really gonna go without me going in for a miss
Ok kiss earned, where to go from here?
I think it might lead to quite a few beers
but for now I'm taking it step by step
and playing the best with these cards I've been dealt

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

I miss her already
what the hell is wrong with me
I shouldn't have gotten involved
its plain in front of my eyes to see
my mom always told me they'd be the end of me

It happens

When she walked in I wasn't blown away
Its just my brain couldn't find he right words to say
It only lasted but a second
the words flew out right when she beconed
I wasn't left speechless, It was like we were old friends
Saying hi to each other after being on the bends

It was all good a little boring some might say
If that was he truth then why is her picture in my head not fading away
I sit here sleepless with a million on my mind
but the question I keep asking
is when I'l again get to see that behind

Not just her ass either! the whole thing
I gotta take a breaher..
How long did it take her to leave here
How did I get lucky enough to meet her?
If I can only find the right beat here..

I dont know, life has its ups and downs
I guess I've been down so long
that I'm on a cloud with this up I found!
Well shit, there I go again
getting too excited too early
She thinks she likes me now
but she'll wise up soon enough

They all pack up and leave
when the going gets rough
I gotta calm down and hold my cool
Keep my heart guarded and hold back the drool

Cause if I know one thing is,
good things don't last for me
So imma take it step by step
and take all her time that I can
But damn this girl really makes me wanna be a better man

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Anger

What do you do when your reason to drink is gone
all that's left now is the aftermath of destruction, shit..
Its your life still and its time to rebuild it.
We played this game before, you know how to do it
This time you have nothing hanging over your head
this time you find yourself much better fed

Just when you thought you had control of the situation
the past had to step in and take away your housing situation
they took your job, they took your girl, fuck! there's even no masturbation!
Now its almost over and you have to yet again start over
you come back to friends that are no longer there
they wrote you off and judged you for those reasons unfair

I wanna say fuck em but it hurts so much
I grew up since childhood with some of these fucks!
there's nothing I can do but stew in anger
I just wish we had the ability to care for each other
You know I wouldn't have done the same to you
I would hide the fuckin' murder weapon for you dude!

Whatever, fuck it, so I'm naive and too caring
to believe that these bonds would last without busting
Even some of you who I haven't talked to in a while
I still consider brothers and would do anything for you with style.
The least you could have done is be upfront about it, not act like a child
If you want to talk shit, please do it to my face man
so that I can defend myself and take a stand

This situation is three years old why didn't you leave then?
because I had yet to face the consequences in written pen?
you leave now when I need you most, Its not like I'm asking for a dollar
all I ask is for your company, and for you to give me a holler
on the weekends and shit and come through to visit
I guess that's too much to ask of you now.
you're all grown up and ready do join the masses
of selfish greedy uncaring traditional bastards

seriously go fuck yourself...

Friday, June 10, 2011

Inappropriate references (start)

The dawns' barely here and I'm up its so weird
that I live my live for someone else, its like I feared
this tired facade is not at all what I aspired to make
of my life, I live tired, watch me as I perspire,
watch the fear sweat out through my pores
If I work hard enough maybe I can get rid of it all

the tears, the falls, the drugs and alcohols
I can beat them and reclaim whats mine
even Charlie Sheen has a moment of clarity
If I dive in it like Michael Phelps for charity
I can choke it out like OJ and get some relief
I wont touch you like Michael Jackson
I don't want any kind of reaction, you can keep it

You do you, and I do me is how we'll play it
no strings attached, I shouldn't even have to say it
I C.U.P, but I didn't see Weiner
baring it all on Twitter and saying "Please forgiver!"
I'm done playing games with your mind believe me.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Obligatory apology blog

Hey guys I feel like I haven't been holding up my end of the bargain recently and I'm sorry! When I started this blog I told myself no matter how few or how many people read it I will keep posting to it and keep writing because its something that I do for myself as much as for those few people who actually come here and get something out of my writing. As some of you know recently I have had some tough times and I am living with a friend on house arrest now trying to get my life back together. I have been having a lot of interviews lately (thats a good thing!) so I've been kinda busy. Thats no excuse though because I have been far busier and still updated this blog daily.

For that I'm sorry to anyone that actually is still keeping me to my word of updating daily, keep following I will always keep posting, maybe not a new rhyme every day because I would rather post something worthwhile less often than crap every day. That in mind I'm not saying everything I post is pure fucking gold, so don't get the impression that my ego is that big. So what I'm trying to say is I love you guys, D4 from his blog, to Rachel from hers, to my Dad who I haven't talked to in 2 years who I know reads this anonymously and should e-mail me sometime, to anyone else that reads my blog, thanks guys I appreciate ya!

too weird for love, too stubborn to die (edit)

Fuck you and your little dog too
when I think of you the embarrassment makes me wanna spew
the things you've done for me the way you made me grow
I know they were selfish at first, don't pretend I didn't know
but it turned out different, from you I learned a lot
I found how to love, how to live, how to get out of that spot

Now, I say embarrassment for myself not from you
I feel that I'm a disappointment for all the things you do
You're not faultless, hell none of us are were just human
but I cant help but feel like filth when I'm treated like it
sometimes i get so mad that it makes me wanna spit
and sometimes I get so sad that I really think I deserved it

You pretend that those scars on your wrists are invisible
but I saw them clear as day last time I visited ya
I love you more than you know and your helps appreciated
my only hope is that I can provide as much when you need it
time will come soon when again I'll need some distance
Its just necessary for me to grow its not personal believe me

_from your son that's too weird for love and too stubborn to die

Monday, June 6, 2011

doesn't deserve a title

I don't even feel like rhyming today
all I can think of is the time that's slipping away
Monday through Sunday keep repeating
and all I can do is sit here in this room
I'm sick of it man this ain't no way to live my life breathing

I don't belong here, keeps running through my head
while I'm sitting here contemplating death on this bed
Even when I get out of here thats only step one
Of this fucking ordeal until my freedoms been won
stories circulate of ones like me have done before

Like the one who broke the window and jumped up off this floor
this seems to be somewhat of a coincidence
that im placed on this floor, dorm and bunk like him before
my plan is much simpler and a lot less showy
to take this piece of glass to me in the night and watch the blood flowing

It might be the easy way out some people might say
yeah that might be right but its better for me this way
A the burden would be lifted off my family and such
of having to care for the prodigal son who's never there
This is to all that have ever loved me I'm sorry
about all the bullshit i put you through it will be over for me soon don't worry