the damn..

Shit man Its been a long time
since you and I have gotten together to talk about yours and mine
I miss you bro and that's just the truth..
I don't want to think about all that we've been through
these past few years, the bad times, the thoughts, the tears

Well fuck it man I tried the best that I could
So I could come out of this bullshit understood
Didn't work oh well why bother...
Still feels like were the same from different mothers
All I think about is the laughs and the good times
All you think about is that one time that I fucked up

You got it twisted and I hope someday you realize
That what happened was just stupid and you decide
to let it all go and break a few eggs with me
Like the good old times we've had for these past 10 years
Who was there to give you money to look for a job..
who was there when you needed couch to crash on
who was there to get you a job when you needed it..
we've done these things for each other equally lets not stay conceited..

yeh..

I'm not even sure what I'm doing anymore
my priorities are fucked up I have no idea what's in store
I'm running in circles but hey its not a bore
my headache lifting, eyesight splitting.
I was always fraid' of it shes even sucking and not spitting

and i'm saving up for my last attack
when I show all my cards I'm gonna point at them and laugh
ok, ok, maybe I wont be laughing
but neither will you when I leave you with this bitch slapping
I've got nothing left but random violence acts
What can you expect when I'm surrounded by all these rats

I gotta put my head down and make my own life happen
I can't rely on news and new things and people to stop steppin
If you aint got my back just get the fuck away from this man
I can't afford to hang with bitches who cant stand to be with this man
I love my closest family, I would never throw em in your pan

I love that you push me to be who I am and do what I do
I can't even express how much I care about you
and even if I did you would never believe me
because even if you were to leave here
I would be just fine, life would continue down its line
but there will always be that glimmer of memory

that moment of time that I stole from you to be with me
I would always keep that, you can never take that from me
I would keep that forever and have it for a midnight snack
I would keep that on a leash, you can never have it back!
That's the truth and I would think back on it and smile
that I at least had you with me for a while
love lasts a long time, but a memory is forever
and the memory of you will last a lifetime, its now or never

the current chapter

I wish I was a knight in the medieval ages
sometimes it would seem easier to turn these pages
loyalty, honesty, and undying devotion
are the only true  feelings I can think of putting in motion
Its not proper though in this life of today
you get taken advantage of when you act this way

we can pretend though and get away from it all
I can be your knight and you can be my gypsy
I can taste your breath and you can taste my whiskey
I can run away from this and I would take you with me
we can dirty up that mattress and dance until we both bleed

bright red blood the color of crimson is whats inside of us
the fire red passion, it burns inside me as I ride this bus
we can stay together and abuse our trust
sit with each other in the lunchroom and try not to bust
up laughing as were having fun at each others expense
you thought i was gonna be dirty huh?
you cant be dirty no matter what kind of sex you have when its love

and im not talking about anything with white doves
its more like cake with a red jelly filling
its nothing too complex but its just so thrilling
you bake it, you cut it, and you eat it all up
with a tall glass of milk but its still not enough
that's about how I feel about my gypsy
damn, i just can't get enough of my missy

How I feel (don't ever fucking question that - Atmosphere)

Enough to hold you to the brightest of lights,
to place you dangerously close to that sun,
enough to acknowledge the flaws you can't ignore
and recognize the cause of what's done is done,
more than enough to put my name behind my ideals,
and neglect my logic twice daily.
enough to keep me looking for my Lucy in the sky with gems,
when I remember how you used to call me baby,
enough to look in my mirror with detest for every tear you shed regardless of
why you wept,
enough to curse any man who can't appreciate the depth of the ocean I swam
till I ran out of breath.

I love you, don't ever fucking question that,
that's why we'll probably never get along.
if I was better at finding the right words to say, I wouldn't need to write
these mother fucking songs.

I love you, I love you [faded]
never, don't ever fucking question that, don't ever fucking question that.
riding the public transit,
I study the blank stares to answer my questions of how and why I got so many
grey hairs. I take care of the nervous that runs through my extension cord,
and I reflect on that reoccurring dream where we met the Lord.
single file lines, to give her a pound one at a time but when I faced her-
I attempted to embrace her, she looked so fine,
I awoke from my sleep before her bodyguard had a chance to beat me to
submission and I still walk with my religion.
I watched the children scurry in circles around a two-way mirror,
worrying about which side of the glass projects the reflection clearer.
hear the whispers of the wind trying to get me to grin,
gassing' me up about the love that I plucked and I've been stuck within,
for every eclipse that stares at me from the other side of a paper cup of
espresso-
I light a match beneath a kettle,
and for every set of lips that become attached and equipped with that program
to seek success, I bleed my ethics out a slow drip.
I used to know a man who met a woman, don't remember where,
big beautiful eyes and light brown hair,
she was from the burbs, he was from the south side of the city,
this was back when Franklin avenue was still pretty.
two different worlds apart, but the world is just a small town-
we all know how people like to get down.
here we go, Aquarius, Pisces,
feel the flow of the fluid as I swim through it to free my soul.
bush shoved the cane without the glove numbed the pain.
the magic from up above what it does for the brain,

make the love, paint the picture, write the song, the player met a virgin
made a Virgo named him Sean.
make the love, paint the picture, write the song, the player met a virgin
made a Virgo named him Sean.
make the love, paint the picture and write that song till the break of dawn.

I love you- don't ever fucking question that, that's why we'll probably never
get along. if I was better at finding the right words to say, I wouldn't need
to write these mother-fucking songs [2x]
I love you (make the love, paint the picture, and write that song

short

I used to chase the demons away with that bottle sitting there
but that didn't do a thing it just kept em in here
the anger, the fear, the sheer ferocity of the ship I steer
sometimes I feel I would have been better suited for the battlefield
killing whatever comes in my path with this sword and sheath

but then I remember this weakness I keep
this fuckin' handicap that's mine I'm stuck in it
Its healed nicely though most wont notice until they see the scars

I was given a second chance at a young age and bit it
and I'm still working on trying to figure out what to do with it.
I'm heading toward goals that seem insignificant in the big picture
I do sit down and thank the sky I at least found her
I have friends, I have family and a good head on my shoulders
please go grant me the strength to hold up these boulders.

Yes I am an asshole

All I wanna do is put my headphones in and walk away
Its not too much to ask for but I'm here to stay
I don't mean that metaphorically, only physically
I'm progressing insidiously in this otherworldly
lucidity, treking with extreme intrepidity
I have no fear but for fear itself
I'm terrible at poker take away these cards you've dealt

OK I'm done using big words for the fuck of it
my message is clearer when you don't need a dictionary to decipher my shit
I tear you down when I rip, shredding away the tears you've bit
I'm on a new level and you're just collecting cow chips
I don't mean cookies either, you're just playing with shit
get your hands out of there and do something productive
before this whole world turns out like Japan, radioactive

this country wont fix itself so get off your fucking couch
you lazy son of a bitch and at least do something you're good at
except collecting dust on that fat ass you sit
Its the anger that causes this malevolence inside me I try to resist
and help my fellow man at every chance that I get
but sometimes there's no helping you
some things you gotta do for self
I cant make you put on your work shoes, do It yourself
before I snap and kill you all, stupid fucking piece of shit

I don't feel alone

Rebuilding my life one utensil at a time
like a cleaver in the kitchen I'm writing this rhyme
It's almost like a story I've told just like so many times before
This time I have some help, this time around I don't have to do it by myself
I feel like I have some support under these wings
as I wave them frantically to stay up in these clouds

Life's not what we were told when we were kids
We can't be anything we want to be unless we work hard at it
Even then we might never make it, we just might have the take the best we can get
I remember when life was much simpler
Running back from school with dimples
don't get me wrong, we weren't innocent
drinking at school and smoking weed in the woods we went

With no worries and plain conversations
that didn't at all compare to today's trials and tribulations
but growing up has its ups and downs
I can't complain, I like the person I became
Sure I'm not perfect and I know that better than you
and I'm sure someone will listen to this shit I spew
I can be quite a wealth of knowledge if you give me the chance to shoot

whatever, I might be getting too inebriated
these childhood goals became grownup decisions
so let go of your superstitions and take a chance
I know I am whenever I give it a shot at romance
I can't wait to see what the future brings
but she sure makes me feel fuckin entranced

keep at it

Fast lies running through an empty head
sometimes I can't even seem to get out of my bed
i keep thinking these dangerous waters I've tread
swimming through an ocean of impostors
I can't seem to think of why I even bother

through and through my life's been upstart
I keep going through memories till I just wanna barf
there's no turning back now I already reapt' what I sowed
even though I still don't feel like I get what I'm owed
and don't get me wrong Its up to me to break this mold
keep running around switch it up and keep getting more cold

this life you can't live on goodwill alone
I keep trying it that way and keep getting thrown overboard
I live life like the captain of a pirate ship
run a tight crew but fuckin' mutinys' a trip
there's nothing you can do when others come after you
just smile and nod, say "yup, do what you do"

sometimes you wanna get angry and throw punches
but that usually ends in a lot of wasted lunches
calm it down and look back on your life
whatever the fight is I bet its not worth the spite
so just throw off your shoes, kick back and have a cold one instead
at least that way you both will have a much better day ahead

I usually don't post other people's stuff on here but this album really caught my eye. Grieves, newly signed to the rhymesayers label. This is some of the best new hip hop that I have heard in a long time. D I think you will really like this I suggest you get the album if you can. I hope you read this bud!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5So-_z-jkHE

wtf people? *these are all true stories by the way*

The first picture was the process of making battered french fries

The first comment was, "you should have wrapped them in bacon"

"I don't eat meat" she replied and he said "oh well never mind."

You can understand my confusion you see, when this, "vegetarian"

was eating a chicken sandwich in the next picture, it was plain there to me

that there was something wrong with this picture, I wonder what it could be..

A self proclaimed anarchist this man claims to be and yes, that is redundancy

He is always ranting and raving about the government and its fees

not rich by any means but well off, living off his parents who feed the machine

if you live off the people who follow the system, isn't that even worse?

at least if you worked for your own benefit you could be independently 

perverse, these beliefs you say you hold, wait, stop, think, and turn it in reverse

I saw a woman picketing in an abortion rally, she said "I'm not anti abortion I'm pro life"

After some childish fun and our own sign that we spun to poke a bit of fun at their strife

we put down our sign and went to talk a bit with these people to see what we could find

the same woman we spoke of before said kill em all when asked about the death penalty

that doesn't rhyme but its still ridiculous so deal with it, I'm mostly doing this for my benefit.

This is all I can think of right now but there must be more

people's complete ignorance and hypocrisy is such a fucking chore

we're all guilty even I, at least I know this, so I can catch myself and not be like those

I know we're not perfect people but come on, lets at least give it a try

and maybe be decent human beings to ourselves and each other, we might just survive.

my inner monologue is in rhyme

I lay here awake and unable to sleep
there are but two things that keep bugging me
the thought of her and the thought of she
wait, those things are one and the same...
I apologize for what the lack of sleep has done to my brain

moving on now theres' story to be told
as I lie here awake pondering my life's mold
time is deceptive truth be told
sometimes it feels like I've known her forever
as we sit around and just simply palaver

I don't know my timings' all off now
I can't seem to write or get my shit together
I'l keep this brief or maybe its longer?
Throughout the confusion though I'm really getting stronger.

A day late

Fathers day now this ones hard for me
cause when I look for you you're nowhere near here
The choices that you made gave me this life I hold dear
Sure its not the best and I've made some mistakes
and it sure would have been nice to have you near for a smoke break
the childhood memories I hold dear are just dreams until dawn shakes
me awake, but its ok, I still think about you damn near every day

Maybe we don't talk much cause it makes it easier to not miss you
I don't know but it seems like that to me sometimes
cause when i don't interact with someone its easier to keep em out of mind
but thats not right and a poor excuse, I really miss you I'm sure you'l find
I'm happy about your new family, I love a little sister I've never met
I cant help it when I look at her and really I see myself

Its weird how close you can feel even tens of thousands of miles away
I really hope I see you and meet her sometime so that we can play
I'm still a kid at heart through all I've been, that's obvious I'm sure you see
Either way I love you and miss you more than one could say
I really hope that you might read this on this late fathers day.

Escapades on house arrest

I shouldn't have opened up, I shouldn't have tried to show you my stains
If you only knew how your smile could take away my pain
you would run away from me and try to hide the shame
not your shame, its mine that I'm talking about
I wish we would've met in different circumstances
I really fucking hate these courtship dances

If I only met you in a month or two more my situation would be better
but for now my life hangs on by the pull of someone's lever
I'm not good enough for you, you deserve someone much more clever
my fuck ups are too apparent now and I hate that you can see it
If you only gave me a chance I could prove to you my merit
I would make you happy not sad, I know I could achieve shit

Its too late now, looks like I got dealt the short straw again
I should take this as a learning experience and just smile grin
Its just really fucking hard knowing you'l walk away
While I'm stuck here wishing that you would stay
Doing the only thing constant in my life right now
its writing these stupid rhymes and being humble and bow

I know we'll see each other again and I'll earn the kiss
but how far is it really gonna go without me going in for a miss
Ok kiss earned, where to go from here?
I think it might lead to quite a few beers
but for now I'm taking it step by step
and playing the best with these cards I've been dealt

I miss her already
what the hell is wrong with me
I shouldn't have gotten involved
its plain in front of my eyes to see
my mom always told me they'd be the end of me

It happens

When she walked in I wasn't blown away
Its just my brain couldn't find he right words to say
It only lasted but a second
the words flew out right when she beconed
I wasn't left speechless, It was like we were old friends
Saying hi to each other after being on the bends

It was all good a little boring some might say
If that was he truth then why is her picture in my head not fading away
I sit here sleepless with a million on my mind
but the question I keep asking
is when I'l again get to see that behind

Not just her ass either! the whole thing
I gotta take a breaher..
How long did it take her to leave here
How did I get lucky enough to meet her?
If I can only find the right beat here..

I dont know, life has its ups and downs
I guess I've been down so long
that I'm on a cloud with this up I found!
Well shit, there I go again
getting too excited too early
She thinks she likes me now
but she'll wise up soon enough

They all pack up and leave
when the going gets rough
I gotta calm down and hold my cool
Keep my heart guarded and hold back the drool

Cause if I know one thing is,
good things don't last for me
So imma take it step by step
and take all her time that I can
But damn this girl really makes me wanna be a better man

Anger

What do you do when your reason to drink is gone
all that's left now is the aftermath of destruction, shit..
Its your life still and its time to rebuild it.
We played this game before, you know how to do it
This time you have nothing hanging over your head
this time you find yourself much better fed

Just when you thought you had control of the situation
the past had to step in and take away your housing situation
they took your job, they took your girl, fuck! there's even no masturbation!
Now its almost over and you have to yet again start over
you come back to friends that are no longer there
they wrote you off and judged you for those reasons unfair

I wanna say fuck em but it hurts so much
I grew up since childhood with some of these fucks!
there's nothing I can do but stew in anger
I just wish we had the ability to care for each other
You know I wouldn't have done the same to you
I would hide the fuckin' murder weapon for you dude!

Whatever, fuck it, so I'm naive and too caring
to believe that these bonds would last without busting
Even some of you who I haven't talked to in a while
I still consider brothers and would do anything for you with style.
The least you could have done is be upfront about it, not act like a child
If you want to talk shit, please do it to my face man
so that I can defend myself and take a stand

This situation is three years old why didn't you leave then?
because I had yet to face the consequences in written pen?
you leave now when I need you most, Its not like I'm asking for a dollar
all I ask is for your company, and for you to give me a holler
on the weekends and shit and come through to visit
I guess that's too much to ask of you now.
you're all grown up and ready do join the masses
of selfish greedy uncaring traditional bastards

seriously go fuck yourself...

Inappropriate references (start)

The dawns' barely here and I'm up its so weird
that I live my live for someone else, its like I feared
this tired facade is not at all what I aspired to make
of my life, I live tired, watch me as I perspire,
watch the fear sweat out through my pores
If I work hard enough maybe I can get rid of it all

the tears, the falls, the drugs and alcohols
I can beat them and reclaim whats mine
even Charlie Sheen has a moment of clarity
If I dive in it like Michael Phelps for charity
I can choke it out like OJ and get some relief
I wont touch you like Michael Jackson
I don't want any kind of reaction, you can keep it

You do you, and I do me is how we'll play it
no strings attached, I shouldn't even have to say it
I C.U.P, but I didn't see Weiner
baring it all on Twitter and saying "Please forgiver!"
I'm done playing games with your mind believe me.

Obligatory apology blog

Hey guys I feel like I haven't been holding up my end of the bargain recently and I'm sorry! When I started this blog I told myself no matter how few or how many people read it I will keep posting to it and keep writing because its something that I do for myself as much as for those few people who actually come here and get something out of my writing. As some of you know recently I have had some tough times and I am living with a friend on house arrest now trying to get my life back together. I have been having a lot of interviews lately (thats a good thing!) so I've been kinda busy. Thats no excuse though because I have been far busier and still updated this blog daily.

For that I'm sorry to anyone that actually is still keeping me to my word of updating daily, keep following I will always keep posting, maybe not a new rhyme every day because I would rather post something worthwhile less often than crap every day. That in mind I'm not saying everything I post is pure fucking gold, so don't get the impression that my ego is that big. So what I'm trying to say is I love you guys, D4 from his blog, to Rachel from hers, to my Dad who I haven't talked to in 2 years who I know reads this anonymously and should e-mail me sometime, to anyone else that reads my blog, thanks guys I appreciate ya!

too weird for love, too stubborn to die (edit)

Fuck you and your little dog too
when I think of you the embarrassment makes me wanna spew
the things you've done for me the way you made me grow
I know they were selfish at first, don't pretend I didn't know
but it turned out different, from you I learned a lot
I found how to love, how to live, how to get out of that spot

Now, I say embarrassment for myself not from you
I feel that I'm a disappointment for all the things you do
You're not faultless, hell none of us are were just human
but I cant help but feel like filth when I'm treated like it
sometimes i get so mad that it makes me wanna spit
and sometimes I get so sad that I really think I deserved it

You pretend that those scars on your wrists are invisible
but I saw them clear as day last time I visited ya
I love you more than you know and your helps appreciated
my only hope is that I can provide as much when you need it
time will come soon when again I'll need some distance
Its just necessary for me to grow its not personal believe me

_from your son that's too weird for love and too stubborn to die

doesn't deserve a title

I don't even feel like rhyming today
all I can think of is the time that's slipping away
Monday through Sunday keep repeating
and all I can do is sit here in this room
I'm sick of it man this ain't no way to live my life breathing

I don't belong here, keeps running through my head
while I'm sitting here contemplating death on this bed
Even when I get out of here thats only step one
Of this fucking ordeal until my freedoms been won
stories circulate of ones like me have done before

Like the one who broke the window and jumped up off this floor
this seems to be somewhat of a coincidence
that im placed on this floor, dorm and bunk like him before
my plan is much simpler and a lot less showy
to take this piece of glass to me in the night and watch the blood flowing

It might be the easy way out some people might say
yeah that might be right but its better for me this way
A the burden would be lifted off my family and such
of having to care for the prodigal son who's never there
This is to all that have ever loved me I'm sorry
about all the bullshit i put you through it will be over for me soon don't worry

The Psychologist

The psychologist sat in  his office chair
he was reading todays headlines, the sight wasn't rare.
While reading he noticed an excerpt that caught his eye,
something like this he normally would pass right by.
On the line was a fellow who would meet a tragic downfall,
he kept reading and reading remaining enthralled,
the most awesome of tales this page did unfold
A story of a child and mother butcher it had told.

Robert Gray was the name on the line quite familiar,
was all the psychologist had in his mind running,
so many footsteps heard, it could have been a caterpillar.
The psychologist put it down his mind was still burning
his phone buzzed in, "Doctor you have a patient."
The secretary's voice said bright and cheerful,
while the good doctor moved the seat most adjacent
the patient walked in wide eyed and almost fearful.

"Listen to me doctor I think I have problems
I hear voices, not in my head, on the outside, there's a difference
people tell me what to do all the time and I listen
don't talk back and comply even with all the disdain."
"Why is that a problem? That doesn't seem so bad,
When people tell you what to do does it make you mad?"

Not at all, made things simple my mom always told me,
except now people tell me what to do and how to be,
I give them a smile and start to lose my memory..
I come to, hours later in my one bedroom apartment
happy as a clam with a wooden dock penchant.

"So you have no memory of what happened after?"
asked the psychologist bored staring at the rafters.
"No, not at all." Said he, biting his nails like biting on bread
"OK here's what you do, write down what they said
right before you blackout, and stop biting your nails like bread."
As he looked at the man a wide smile on his face had spread.

▲■○x =Life

This little rhyme came to me in my sleep,
I kid you not, I keep a notebook next to where I sleep
and you know that in between stage where you're
not really asleep or awake in the morning
It came to me and when it did i wrote it down.
__________________________________
Triangle, 3 again is the name of the disease
the green tri-point shape that starts it off with ease

Square, It shows you the box you're stuck in
that pink box, you know you want to stick it

Circle, Life is represented here starting in one place
and coming back around, have no fear

X, marks the spot on your map, its inevitability
the big blue X marks the destination
It ends your trek in the ground undoubtedly

Scars and Stripes PT4

Finally going to actually post this 4th part, to the scars and stripes,
I wasn't going to but meh, enjoy it if you do.

I don't want you and you don't want me either
so why do you continue to visit me in my dreams, take a breather
how come it meant nothing, even the screams?
If i remember right, I could make you sing in that bed
It was in that little parking lot that you first gave me head
I don't know what happened, It doesn't really matter
We could sit here and shout you've changed, it would be nothing but blabbler

Of course we have, its been years for us both
You're leaning a bit toward the worse end of it though
This is coming from an outside perspective and I agree with it
These scars and stripes you gave me inspired growth
but my decline in this cell has only been physical though
Its no big deal, a couple of months and some weights
will make it vanish without a trace

but that childlike sense of wonder has almost been erased
The only time i see it now is when alcohol is involved
thats when your barrier cracks a little and you get involved.

The sun dont come out to play

Dreaming about her is nothing new to me
She likes to visit when I close my eyes and drift away to sleep
but that's ok with me, it doesn't really matter
Its betther than not at all, no reason I should rupture
a blood vessel in my brain while getting filled with anger
Even if it doesn't do anything at all to feed the hunger

 Yup, thats been my life in here really recently
escape is a book or I just fall my ass asleep
Only one thing that bothers me as I sit and wonder why
its nice outside when im locked away, just look at that sky
The sun is shining, the temperature is rising,
even the seagulls fly up here like they're makin' fun of me

I guess It don't matter I'm not that broken up about it
Just makes it a bit harder when you can see it and be near it
Almost like the whole world but my moms is happy that im in here
48 more days left If I can find a place to live
thats 48 more reasons to work harder to forgive
I'm talking about myself of course, its not about you
fuck you in the ass and that fat bitch you're with dude

I'm sorry, I let my anger come out to play
things go down when the shirt ripping green mans got somethin to say
He only comes out when you really deserve it
and you best believe if these weren't here you'd see shit
by shit I mean stars, my scars make me humble when you get hit
so stop talkin that babble and come get it

Zivot

Helping the rents move over a couple days! I have new shit I can post but I have a few things saved up. I want to get a bit more feedback on my most recent stuff before I continue posting however and give new people a chance to read it hopefully. In the mean time heres a little diddy I wrote in my native language I just thought it sounded good but it doesn't rhyme when translated... haha so im not gonna bother.

Zasto je zivot tako kako je?
Neznam je samo tako za mene
ovaj moj zivot da zivi se
sa ovaj nos ko je uvek razbijen

Scars and Stripes PT3

"This is a series of 3 letters written between people.
Before reading this part I would suggest reading part one and two first,
they can be found below this one chronologically on the main page of my blog,
this is the the last letter in the Scars and Stripes"

Hey Dan what can I say, other than I'm not surprised, whats wrong today?
I know that you and I have had our differences
but thats no reason to throw this at me saying I'm to blame for it
Ive done some pretty shitty things to you I know this
but Ive also helped you out more than most will despite the tryst

you make swords out of pens even when you're in the bends
pick yourself up
its pathetic to see you on the floor,
pull your pants up
not literally, you're a big man
shut the fuck up

is what I would say, thinking it would be encouragement to help you recreate
this spade you drew is not your winning hand
but being there for you just wasn't in my plans
I played in to you because of what you did for me
supported me and helped me out with everything that i need

when you needed some space to get your bearings on straight
I told you i would wait for you there weren't any strings
after some convincing that you gave me, sure, I knew i didn't love you
that those things you did made me believe i had those feeling true
I don't know what love is and I think I need a breather
the years we spent together mean nothing to me now and shouldn't to you either

Scars and Stripes PT2

"This is part 2 of the Scars and Stripes letters, please read part
1 found below this one chronologically on my main page in order to follow from the start."

Dear son I just read your letter, you know i did i wrote you back

I still think this would have been that much better face to face 

still, just so you know I never thought of you as a disgrace

the things you did are always in the past with me 

I never think of these things when im sitting by missing you kid

Listen now I know you might be going through some hard times

but just keep your head on straight and watch out for those fine lines

I dont think what you're doings dealing with it, let alone these fuckin rhymes

but you're a grown ass man now that much you made clear

you make your own decisions and shit, no matter who's near

but just remember who your family is Im here for you

even though you don't want us to be the ones near by, this much is true

you cant always have the one you want to be supportive 

in fact you cant have anyone at all when you feel that you most need it

at least this is how you feel see, I do know you

you're not so misunderstood I can still see it true blue

anyway thanks for writing i always like hearing from you  

always trying make sure you're still kicking in your own slough

don't be a stranger now i want to know that you're alive 

or even better yet that you're doing away with all the bad vibes.

Scars and Stripes PT1

"I got a sudden surge to write this story, it is in three parts! comment and let me know whether it would be easier to read if i just released it in sections (when something is too long attention spans waver) or do you want me to just edit this and throw the other two parts in! Let me know guys thanks again for reading"

"PT1"
Hey you its been a while I know,
I haven't been giving you enough of my time lately thanks to this road
well anyway apologies ain't what you're after
you're just trying to see your son succeed on top this rafter
I cant blame you for the messages on my celly

just like you cant blame me for mistakes made trying to fill this belly
I know I was quite a handful growin up
I'm even more so now that I got adult problems fucking my shit up
im trying my hardest ma this you can be sure of
I'm stuck in this rut now, its to you im coming with it
and im not even sure whether I should let a peep out

Im disorganized, too trusting, and too wiling to lend a hand
also I'm still holding on to the dream of playing in this band
while the women in my life still try to choke me with their hands
you may think im weak ma but you don't know it all yet
I would like you to have gone through half the shit I have and not be this upset

these scars and stripes ive earned, you best believe that
I wanna voice my opinion to you just so you know where im at
so that we can relate on some level and stay family at the end of the day
as we lay our heads down and say our evening grace

New Post

Whats up people, i know my flows been slow going lately
for that I apologize I'm usually more proactive believe me.
You see my problem has been inspiration
nothing good, nothing bad, shits just stale in my nation.

I don't mean country, I mean this space I occupy
my nation, vocation, my trials and tribulations
but i sit and deal with it as I'm writing these songs
because what the fuck else are we supposed to do
just let go, give up, pick a plot of dirt to dig a hole through?

Nah that ain't for me man the prides too tall
I'm way to stubborn to die, way too insane to fall!
I'm keeping this short ya'll just wanted to say whats up
I'm gonna keep on writing this shit cause for me its never enough

The dreams we have

When you wake up shook and you know just why
Its valentines day and you thought about her passin' by
But not the one you thought it would be
this one you left years ago looks like she hasn't set you free yet

You think of the good times, the times that could have been
how she wanted the picket fence life and you were on a bend
she wanted nothing but you with all her heart and soul
an you wanted the show life playing music and gettin' out of control

So you cut yourself free now even though it hurt a lot
convincing yourself its what you wanted to get out of that spot
start living the life you wanted just for it to end abruptly
now you find yourself riding that fuckin 10 speed
going to school and still thinking about your greed

You think about it but with no regrets
we were barely 18 then, what did we know about love
this feeling so pure its almost like a dove
yeah right, thats one thing we learn above all else
its a dirty situation this thing we call love
It breaks us down as people and makes us weak
I tend to love too much but thank god I can still speak

meh... uninspired but i will post anyway. Might edit it later.

Sunshine on this freezing winter day
its making me wanna drop my work and go out to play
on the avenue, this University ave I call home
Seattle's not the best, is your opinion,

but you don't know
the best kept secret of the northwest
Its days like this that make me miss it,
the summers here are quite perfect when the rays hit

It rains all the time and its mostly cloudy
but those 4-5 months out of the year
are just perfection, you cant be moody!
it stays comfortable degrees
the gentle soothing breeze you're feeling
cools you down when you're chillin' on the beach.

The pun's intended it was no accident
the kind of days when you say "get bent"
to anyone who's acting hard
grab your friends and run towards the nearest pond
quite wonderful this summer in the northwest
if you come visit this one season would be the best

The bus

*found this on a napkin in a jacket! Totally forgot about it, This isn't the new one I promised today, however, i might wait till tomorrow to finish my new one. I am kinda stuck... not sure where to go with it.

Rolling along this 8 wheeled ride
my headphones are my cradle
the grave my destination
thats how my life is run with
on this narrow road, I paved this

walking this taut tightrope trifled
bumbling blue bulb we call home
taking shots to the dome
but not the hollow point kind
its all in the mind and to my freedom

my state of  being is that of an adolescent breathing
with waters of debt choking me
till I ain't got no breath left
and its sink or swim in this ocean of madness
theres no choice but to smile as I sink into my grimace

I feel like I'm a dirty old man trapped in a 23 year old body
I really don't feel like I quite fit in situations
not for lack of personality though I have many friends
people seem to like me even on one of my bends
I don't know I guess I shouldn't question it
I should leave it as is and keep up my merit

It's addicted to me

Dont you just love it when someone doesnt like you
because you just remind them of themselves
In a place they dont like with some bitch that brings spite
in the same life they laugh off and stick with in strife

women are from venus and men are from mars they say
and you keep drinkng till the stars come out and play
you haven't had a drink in months as you tap that beer once.
you feel it, you touch it, you pop the top
you put it to your lips this thing you dismissed
and remember the love of that one you kissed

It all seems so familiar the peers the fears
all washing away as that pale brown liquid
takes you away and sweeps you from the grave
sometimes you think that its your punishement
and sometimes you find its the only compliment
it feels as if its all you have
as you stumble around the room way too trashed

the love in your live is nowhere to be found
and even if it found you you would think its inadmisable
so many days spend wishing you had someone
but when someone comes around you turn your back on one
whether its yourself or her youre bound to do it
with these self destructive tendecies youre bound to lose it

dont take these things as fact its just my lifes experience
I know you well enough to sense these things in you
your face is like a glass pane i can see it lose in you
the mask that you wear you forgot where you put it
in the midst of the alcoholic emotions that you've bit

The medicine cabinet

Im just waiting for time to finish with this rhyme
im waiting... im waiting.... waitin waitin
i use court like a residual time line 
im well aware my ass don't age like fine wine

trembling and forgetting the good with the bad
im thankful for the people in my life, and everything ive had
and even though i have so little all i can do is prattle
on and on about the past sure it was a blast 
but where am i now, i got nohwere fast

just a pile that dared with long hair and razorblades
waiting to fade not explode like a grenade
and for everyone else in sorry, im done
with this black widow and all she fuckin spun
im talking about life that is 

im tired of shit going bad in all the wrong places 
it hits the fan and i just slur and drool 
a mumbling drunk fool too cool for school
yeah right, in school i was a loser sellin dope to fools 
drinkin on the on the weekends with all my brothers

i got nothin left and im sorry
just this bottle of gin, bathtub and razorblades its..
shits gettin dark now as i fall and reminisce
this is my last rhyme yall one sec i gotta take a piss

the toilet is more full of blood than urine
why do i even bother emptying this magazine
im getting dizzy now shits getting blurry 
i think of my family and the dog that we had
all the good times and schoolwork done in a hurry

i remember lucy and how she said she loved me 
the walk in the park street and when eddie introduced me to her
my heart beat, how shes havin my baby and what an asshole i can be

she said i need help and proceeded to leave me
how could she?? it was that jug of jim beam 
and how important that seemed to be
i can get help, i can stay sober
i dont have to die i can turnover

i get frantic and try to get at the medicine drawer but im seated
this blurry vision is really impeding
that's where the bandages are i can stop the bleeding
if i hurry there there's no jury on this one
its easy to see, but why is that drawer disappearing from me

Re-post, one from when I started

Sellin for dough its not like bread and butter we aint kids no more no nutter butter
i turn ice into steam then in to water like convection i change perceptions better than
the illusion of god, no clause, because, im better than yall my lifes got meaning you better be appaled

i dont pimp bitches and hoes i enjoy beaches in gold like im in tropic, im myopic when the rays hit
you know im it im stiff in the punches like tyson but i can fly like bison, levitation bitch is just another word im on probation, facing incarceration, they cant stop me from leaving this nation

im free in jail oxymoronic my life is without the bail the trail i left behind is never enough imma live my life like its the only one i got even though you know im forever, cause im never together im dispersed ive traversed the globe is what il be sayin to your kids when im older
sharin the stories of how my heart got colder, how i got bolder by blockin these boulders
that life has to throw, and haha, you know i had fun with it all the thrills the falls

the pills the thralls, that aint no mythic creature its as real as it gets, this life is 
no creature feature and the preacher dont have the answers take pride your god is yourself 
you get stuck up in your fuckups when you think everything else 

Those Eyes

I saw those eyes again 
Those that really entranced me 
as much as the first time, my friend
the eyes that made me again feel motivated
those eves that inspire me to be creative 

Drinking my beer I was left a bit speechless
looking at her in that dress
from top to bottom, in and out
there was just wonder coming from my mouth
il keep this short but is it really simple?

It might really just be her dimples
Whatever it is I really did enjoy it 
with my self and company included
I love it when we can all be extroverted

The Fire of Life

With fire in my veins i hold these burning reigns
Ive been thrown down in the past but i still find it strange
how these motherfuckers kiss my ass and don't think of the pain
they caused, not to me but to those i roll with 

those i hang with, those i cheech and chong with
I haven't been there for a minute but ive been thinking about ya
im always in the background doin my thing and sellin words without ya
You're still a big part of my life always and forever, now and then

Never know what you will decide to 
you should know that im always thinking about you
my brothers you know, il always be true
true to you, to me, you know we'll always make it through

And you know you cant hold a mic without talent
so why do you try to keep friends without balance
A true and tried brother im in need of no other
truth is the answer you should give to your mother

family comes first and should, above no other
but familys' what you make of it, its up to you who you call brother
these insipid ass cowards blaming one another 
this will never be us we'll never be there brother

Never know what you will decide to 
you should know that im always thinking about you
my brothers you know, il always be true
true to you, to me, you know we'll always make it through

You should forget these stupid bitches that will use me and you 
taking us for our kindness and the things that we will do
we're all soldiers, we're fighting for what we knew
in the past and the present, its all that we can do 

With all these things we all know that we should prove 
it could all be a life painting that all of us together drew
all those things of life that we should be fighting for 
for all those fucking things that sometimes seemed a bore

Never know what you will decide to 
you should know that im always thinking about you
my brothers you know, il always be true
true to you, to me, you know we'll always make it through

Who the fuck does this guy think he is?

I use words like worlds, parasitic im with it
I consume and it helps me grow
but there's a few things i feel that you should know

I stand about five foot ten 
while i write these words with this pen
fuck it, pen? i dont even got that 
all i have's my confidence and junk
its all just tool to help me get rid of the gunk

I use a pencil when i write cuz its easy to fix
all the mistakes ive made
thats one lesson ive learned fix em quick
or you'l be regretting the grave

I got long-ass hair thats usually pulled back
big brown eyes and a blue backpack
bike ridin everywhere people sometimes stare
cuz im a bit funny lookin but with confidence to spare

cee lo is a hero of mine, underrated 
and unappreciated like me 
a walking contradiction is really what i be
headphones bumpin metal while 
im writin this rhyme 
a jean jacket vest im sportin almost all the time

My personality dont make sense 
kinda like the chewbacca defense 
johnny cochran aint got nothin on me 
im sittin here arguing with lakes and trees

while swimming in courtrooms and climbing the stands
put yo hands behind your back, then what do i do with my pants?
im jokin im really not that ridiculous
I wasnt wearing pants from the beginning they're superfluous

When i look in the mirror i love what i see
and i know you might not agree but im better with out you actually
and its time to say id probably find you boring anyway

so take yor dirty ass and lead yourself away 
you dont do what you should youre just a waste of space
and next time that we meet you wont get no greet
so dont come up to me expecting a treat
and while you walk past dont you dare even mutter
because the response you'l get back'l leave your mind in a clutter